Online Dating: Guide

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10.8.11

Tips For Men: A Guide To Online Dating

ByIlo Ivy

Ilo Ivy
Level: Basic PLUS

Better known as iLo Ivy within the international business community the entrepreneur, turned writer and speaker, is an Expert Author and a Philanthropy Ambassador; a ... Article Word Count: 808[View Summary]Comments (0)

Online dating, the digital era's influential contribution to human interaction! Though most people know about it, it certainly isn't to everyone's taste. But if you are either the curious, open-minded or optimistic type, it is possible that you have tried it, at least once.

I receive hundreds of e-mails, almost daily. And I saw a pattern, which was causing feelings of rejection, among thousands of men out there. I decided to 'share the light' with some already, for which they have been very grateful. So it is only fair that I extend, to you, my answers to the question, "why is my online dating not as successful, as I expected?" OK...

- No, it isn't your looks. 'Attractive' or 'unattractive' (a matter of opinion) you could be very charming, or not, if you knew how / wanted to.

- First impressions guys, come on! Your first e-mail is very important, if you are serious about wanting a response from 'that girl'; which mean, read about her, first!

- Do not write to a girl to talk about yourself; that is precisely what your profile is for: height, age, what you do, where you live, if you have children or are divorced. (We read!)

- Relax; when trying to date online, everyone is looking for the same; some more confident than others; but no one is judging you; so no need to explain why you are on that particular website.

- Be polite; do not address a girl, for the fist time, as if you already know her. No, it doesn't make you look cool. It makes you look extra confident, even intrusive "Hey babe"? (Really?)

- "Well, if you are interested, write to me..." OK, this is the perfect example of a 'complete-waste-of-time' line. That means you really aren't bothered about whether she will. (We see it!)

- Forget about Freedom of Expression, we are talking opportunity here; if you only write "you are so beautiful" chances are, she already knows that.

- Do not tell a girl your life's story, on your first e-mail. She may empathize, after she knows why you decided to write to her.

- Busy world these days! "How are you?" and "How was your weekend?" are everybody's (nice) questions. But more interesting lines will always get a reply.

- "I am looking for a girl like..." My friend, we do not care about what you are looking for, generically; just, why are you writing (to me) please? (Attention guaranteed).

- On a first e-mail, it is very likely that a girl doesn't care about your travel plans. It is not like she knows you and is going to jump on the next plane to meet with you. (Showing off already?)

- This is one of the most intrusive 'hello' lines out there: "Hey, how is the search going...?". Well, she doesn't know you, so why should she tell you how bad (or how well) it is going. Let us apply some common sense. ("Oh it was going well, until you asked me that question";)

- Only write to a girl on a positive note. Reverse Psychology to make her feel bad about something she said on her own profile isn't charming (at all).

- Please avoid lines such as: "No drama please", when describing your 'ideal woman', we women usually interpret that as "Oh, he really loves drama, that is why he chooses relationships like that; how else could he know what 'drama' is?" (Not a 'cool' statement).

- And why would you have a picture of you with another woman (or women) as your main image? Let me guess, your best angle? Well that, really, isn't your best one, when trying to find a serious relationship. That tells us that you are vain, at any cost, and we might refer ourselves to the Urban Dictionary for the meaning of the word 'player' (unless "she" was a family relative). Still, it is your personal dating experience. Why involve others?

- Also, some adore their children. But an online dating site isn't appropriate for any kind of children associations, regardless of your 'openness' and how cute the child or children are (and look) on your main image. Just imagine this scenario, you write to a girl: "Hey, do you fancy a chat?" and she will think: "With you and your child? Sorry, bed time."

- And finally, it should be only you, on your main image, why make us guess, who you might be, among your (sometimes more attractive) friends? Whom do you really want us to date?

Experiences, and perceptions of whether online dating 'works' are usually measured by found love or friendship, and weird or fun moments to remember. It has everything to do with how we present ourselves; and definitely with how we approach the subject of our attraction.

Good Luck!

By iLo Ivy

A polyglot entrepreneur, turned writer & speaker; a modern woman, who lives, loves, travels, learns and shares! Explore and follow a variety of articles and reviews by this author: http://iinotes.wordpress.com/

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6.7.11

Winning Online Dating Strategies: A Guide for Men

ByCharles L. Jackson

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There's plenty of articles on the internet about how to successfully use online dating services. However, most of them offer advice to both men and women. In my view, the advice to each gender actually needs to be slightly different. Men play the 'dating game' differently from women, and it's important to recognise those differences - and use them to your advantage. So in this article, I'm going to offer some words of wisdom specifically for men who are using dating sites to find their ideal woman. I've learned from personal experience some of the mistakes that guys can make online. On the other hand, I also met my future wife by using an online dating site, and so I can also pass on some tips about what worked for me.

One of the first areas that men need to look at is their dating site profile - that area of the site where you describe yourself, and what kind of relationship and partner you are looking for. Men often seem to write too little, or too much. By 'too little', I mean that the profile might just consist of a sentence. For instance, 'What's up?', 'Hit me up', 'Tell u later' are examples of three profiles. Yes, each of those are the entire text of their profile about themselves! Their chances of success are, in my opinion, zero.

At the other extreme, some profiles go on-and-on. A man might write extensively about his ex-wife or partner, or what he is or isn't prepared to put up with. Others go on a long-winded rant about their political views, or a conspiracy theory. Again, these types of profiles are not going to get much interest from a prospective partner, because they show that the man comes across as 'complicated' or 'bitter' or more interested in themselves than anyone else.

The very short profile has the same issue - a lack of interest in others, and is also a very lazy approach.

What does work is a profile written with enthusiasm, charm and a dash of humour. Bear in mind that prospective partners will be judging you (in part) by your profile, so it's really important to write something that captivates them, and makes them want to get to know you. So you need to create an interesting profile about yourself. Find something unique to say about yourself - maybe a hobby you have, or a favourite TV show or movie. Emphasise the kind of person you are - if you're funny, and looking for someone similar, then write a witty profile. If you're keen about a particular sport, mention it and also 'why' you like that sport. For instance, don't just say 'I like football'. Instead think of a favourite team or player, and mention what you like about them, what games you've seen.

It also important to use good spelling and grammar for your online dating profile. Most people appreciate someone who can express themselves well. If this isn't a strength for you, then consider having a friend write your profile, or at least have a read-through of your draft text.

Having a good profile photo can really help your chances of meeting someone online. Plenty of guys ruin their profile by having a photo that is too dark, out of focus, or obscure. This gives the impression of laziness. So organise a good photo - a recent one, that shows at least your head and shoulders. Women like to see men's eyes - so avoid sunglasses.

The next most important part of internet dating is your first message to someone. This is particularly relevant to men - as they are the ones who send the first message - they are the ones doing the 'chasing' of the women!

So, what to write? Casual, or formal? A long message, or a short one? To start with, you have to imagine that the women you are contacting gets messages from other guys, and she might skim through everything in her 'in box' fairly quickly. So your message needs to stand out - it has to grab her interest, and make her want to check out your profile and send you a reply.

The key, in my experience, is to write just a few paragraphs and keep it informal, friendly, and with a dash of humour. This is easier said than done! To start with, think of something to say about the person's dating site profile. What is it, exactly, that you like about them? Here's an example: let's say you see a woman's profile and she says she really likes cooking gourmet food, and going to fine restaurants. You could open your message by talking about this, maybe by mentioning a great restaurant you know - and what makes it great. But keep it short and simple - you want to be slightly flirtatious in a way that doesn't seem over-bearing or pressuring. Prompt her to contact you, by saying something like 'I know a restaurant where the chef has just won an international award for his desserts'. This example gives the woman something to respond to you about - a talking point.

Men who use internet dating have to also get used to 'rejection'. Because they send the majority of the first messages, they'll also be the ones who'll have to deal with many messages that get no reply, or (if you're lucky) a 'no thanks'. All I can say on this topic is 'keep trying'. Meeting someone is a matter of persistence. You can increase your chances by following some of the tips I've mentioned, but you will probably have many times when even the best written message and profile don't spark any interest from the woman you're contacting. Sometimes it's nothing to do with you. It could be because they have already met someone else, or they have had messages from men who more closely match their preferences.

So, in summary, there's no easy way to win at online dating. However, with an interesting and genuine profile, a clear and friendly photo, and a first message that is concise, casual and well-written... your chances are dramatically better than those who write lazy profiles, have a poor photo, and can't construct a meaningful first message.

Charles L. Jackson is a freelance article writer, who has been writing dating articles for http://www.gofishdating.com since 2006. This is a free dating site which is well-known for connecting singles from all over the world. You're welcome to check out the site at: http://www.gofishdating.com.

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